


Archived memories

by Transphormers



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Kinda angsty overall but it will get better, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 04:23:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16569587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Transphormers/pseuds/Transphormers
Summary: A series of independant but conected scenes following Rewind's life before and after he met Chromedome.





	Archived memories

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to my own advice for once and uploaded this without editing so I wouldn't get too anxious to actually post it. Obviously, I'm now getting anxious about any and all awful and terrible mistakes you may find in it, but that's life.  
> Hope you enjoy it nonetheless!.

It starts with an accidental conversation. Dominus is working on one of his papers, as he usually does, and he’s talking to himself, as he usually does. Rewind knows he doesn’t expect him to say anything, no one ever expects him to say anything, and he has been ignored by others enough times that he is tired of even trying. But Dominus is still talking to himself and Rewind can’t stop wishing he was talking to him.

Dominus is an interesting guy. Intelligent and kind and curious and kind of a snob and a know-it-all too, but Rewind can forgive that in him. He has been working with Dominus for some months now and he thinks he could forgive Dominus anything.

“It was Shadowflame and not Shadowflare who said that.”

Dominus isn’t talking anymore, and it takes Rewind a couple of seconds to realize that it has been him who just spoke. Dominus is looking at him, but he doesn’t look angry, he just looks like he’s waiting for Rewind to elaborate. So he does.

“I mean… the quote you want to add into your paper was first said by Shadowflame, but it became popular after his brother, Shadowflare, used it in one of his rallies.”

Dominus still isn’t talking and he isn’t looking at Rewind either, but he doesn’t look angry so Rewind will count this interaction as a victory. Dominus is now looking at his notes and Rewind thinks that maybe they are back at their usual dynamic, but then Dominus laughs and he looks back at Rewind with a smile.

“Seems like you are right. Thank you.”

The rest of the evening is silent between them. Everything is back to normal. Everything has changed.

 

* * *

 

They have been traveling through space for a while now and things are not looking good, to put it mildly. Rewind is trying to stay positive, to look on the bright side and see the glass half full, and all that optimistic stuff he has never been a fan of. But it’s hard.

There’s this little voice in his brain that tells him that he must be realistic, that Luna 1 is too much of a myth to be real even if it exist, and especially if it exists. He doesn’t tell Dominus that. He doesn’t talk much with Dominus, at least not about their mission— _his_ mission. They don’t talk much about anything lately. It’s rather awkward really; the two of them alone in Dominus’ ship, both pretending that neither cares about the almost constant silence. At least they still enjoy the other’s company. At least they still love each other.

“Fear not my dear,” Says Dominus before Rewind finally lies down to sleep, like he has done every day since the start of their trip “I am sure we will find something tomorrow.”

They don’t. They never do, and going back to Cybertron doesn’t feel so much like a defeat when you can say you had to abandon your search to defend what you think is right in a planet-wide civil war.

“There is something I need to tell you” Their new room is awfully small for two bots, even when one is a minibot, but they’ve made it work. They have made it home. Dominus is lying down on their bed, and Rewind is resting on top of him. He’s almost asleep, but he quickly rouses when Dominus starts speaking. “I have a brother. I know you knew that already, but I’ve been thinking about him lately.”

“Do you think he is ok?” Rewind remembers Minimus, even if just barely. They hadn’t seen the other much, although Minumus did live with them for a while. Or maybe he just lived near. Or maybe Rewind is thinking of someone else altogether. He barely remembers Minimus, but he does remember him.

“Yes. I… I’m not worried about him. Not more than it’s normal in a situation like this.” He’s talking about the war, Rewind knows, just like knows that Dominus hates openly talking about it “That’s not why I have been thinking about him. I’ve just… I would never tell him this, I’ve never told anyone what I’m about to tell you.” He pauses, looking gravely at Rewind “You can’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you.”

“Of course. Whatever you have to say will stay between you and me. I promise.”

Dominus still hesitates, what could be so bad that he has so much trouble just saying it? “I am… so in a way I am jealous of him.”

That catches Rewind’s attention. Dominus being jealous of Minimus? Does Dominus have another brother Rewind doesn’t know about? Not that Minimus doesn’t have good qualities, everyone does, but Minimus is… Minimus is Dominus’ brother. And that’s it.

“I know what you may be thinking,” Dominus keeps going “but I am being honest. I am jealous of my brother. There is something about him, something in his eyes and in the way he holds himself when he thinks no one is looking, that tells me that he will surpass me one day.”

Rewind wants to reassure him, but he isn’t sure of how to do so without putting Minimus down, so instead he just nuzzles closer to Dominus. For a while Dominus doesn’t say anything, even though Rewind is pretty sure he is moving his mouth, but he won’t say anything about that, Dominus is probably just talking to himself, as he usually does. When he does speak again Rewind knows by the way he has moved his head that Dominus is no longer looking at him.

“I hate him for it.” The words hang heavy in the air. Rewind thinks that he should say something, but Dominus rushes to keep going before he can say anything “I am not lying when I say that I want Minumus to thrive, but the thought of him surpassing me fills me with anger. And I hate myself for it.”

He thinks he hears Dominus say something else, but he isn’t sure and Dominus’ words seem too heavy to be asking questions.  And so, Rewind doesn’t add anything. He doesn’t know what to add. He has never had a family, much less a brother, and most people he knows doesn’t have one either, so he is completely lost as to what he could say. Dominus doesn’t add anything else either, and the silence draws out.

Dominus’ hand is on Rewind’s back, softly stroking him. It is not an uncomfortable silence, even if Rewind feels slightly awkward. They have been dating for years now, but it is still strange for Dominus’ to open up in such a way, so Rewind isn’t quite sure of how to feel about it. And then Dominus lets out a nervous laugh and Rewind feels even more lost than before.

“I know it’s a lot to take in. Maybe I should have done this in a different order, but I wanted to tell you the truth first and foremost. I don’t want to hide anything from you, and I want you to know me, the real me, before I keep going.” He stops, as if he was waiting for Rewind to say something, but Rewind stays quiet, and in his silence Dominus understands everything he needed to keep going “I bought you a present. It’s on the desk’s bottom drawer. It’s… I shouldn’t spoil the surprise but this is already awkward so I may just go all the way now”

“No,” Rewind interrupts; knowing exactly what is going to happen next, but still enjoying it like an unexpected surprise “I’ll go get it. I want it to be a surprise” But he stays right where he is, lying atop Dominus with his visor fixed on Dominus’ eyes, so Dominus goes on talking.

“It’s… It’s a new camera. For your helm I mean. I know I got you your current one not that long ago, but I remember you said it was starting to give you problems, and I did some research and found one which is way better than your current one, and buying it and getting it installed would be as expensive as just fixing your current one, so here we are. I’ve also talked with a doctor I know and got an appointment ready for you to change it. Only if you want, of course.”

There is another pause, longer this time, before Dominus speaks again. Rewind can barely contain his own excitement, but he does it for Dominus’ sake.

“And well, I guess this is where I would have to propose some amazing action for you to prove your love and willingness to become my Conjux, but I think agreeing to come with me in a crazy search across the universe for a moon that turned out to be more myth than reality was more than enough prove of love. So, Rewind of Lower Petrohex, would you do me the greatest honour of becoming my Conjux Endurae?”

Rewind hugs him as an answer, too overwhelmed by happiness to really do much besides laugh. And Dominus is laughing too, and time seems to stop around them as they lay together in bed, laughing like younglings. Only now does he realize how much he had been waiting this moment, how much he had dreamed about it. And now it is real.

Rewind has never been as happy as he is in that moment, and he is sure he will never be quite as happy. He is not a fan of mindless optimism, but being cradled by Dominus’arms—his Conjux!—he knows that everything will be alright. That they will be alright.

They fall asleep just like they have done countless times before, with Rewind on top of Dominus, cradled between his arms, and softly playing some music from his database. It’s such an ordinary thing for them, yet there is something terribly special about tonight. Rewind can’t wait to tell other about it.

 

* * *

 

 

Rewind wakes up and he doesn’t. He dreams that he wakes up and then wakes up and thinks he is dreaming, or maybe he is just dreaming that he thinks he’s dreaming after dreaming of waking up.

There are voices on his right, on his left, behind him, in front of him, under the bed and coming from the ceiling. All those voices that are all different and are all the same, and Rewind doesn’t know them except he does. All those voices screaming in their awful silence.  He can’t tell if Dominus’s voice is among them. He can’t tell if it would be better or worse if it was.

Dominus is next to him and then he isn’t. He can see Dominus from the corner of this eye, but every time he moves to really see him he disappears. He gives up and tries to look at Dominus without moving, but he can’t; no matter what he does, no matter how fast he is, Dominus disappears right as Rewind manages to find him again. He wants to call for him, tell him to stop playing, but he can’t.

Maybe if he thinks hard enough about it, it will all stop. Maybe if he focuses he will wake up in his bed, surrounded by Dominus’ arms. Maybe he just needs to try, maybe he just isn’t trying hard enough. Maybe what came before was a dream and maybe this is reality.

And suddenly everything stops.

No voices. No Dominus in and out of his field of vision No ‘maybe’. No waking up. No dreaming.

No Rewind.

There’s a bright light filling his eyes now, he can’t see anything else and somehow that’s comforting. Ever so slowly the light goes away and he can’t help but mourn it. He begins to find flares of colour where the light was: light blue, soft green, bright red, and white, so much white. The light comes back, but now it has broken into two identical fires.

The more he looks into those twin lights the more real he feels. One second he is alone with the light, floating in some kind of absolute nothing. The next second he can feel something touching him, it’s not much, but it’s more than it was. He can hear some faint voices too, and he wonders if they are the same voices as before, maybe they will start to scream too. They don’t.

All that’s missing now is Dominus. He tries to find him, moves his gaze all around him, but it’s to no avail. He looks back into those two bright lights, and entertains himself watching them. They are constantly moving, not much, but enough to notice it. He can hear the voices more clearly now, but language is beyond him, and all they say sounds like nonsense. Thought maybe they are speaking nonsense. That makes him want to laugh for some reason. So he does.

As if he had offended the lights with his laugh—and who knows, maybe he has—they focus on him. All movement stops, all sound goes away again and he can’t stop himself from whimpering. The lights soften, although they stay fixed on him. There’s a new voice now, still talking nonsense, and as it speaks something touches his cheek.

He is not sure how, but he knows it is a hand that’s touching him, and that it’s doing it with the intention of reassuring him. The voice comes back again, and it does so alone, and it stays with him as his body begins to feel heavy, and the lights and all the colours turn dim, and he falls asleep again.

The voice there until the end, and Rewind knows deep inside him that it’s not Dominus, but still he asks, just to be sure. There’s no answer.

 

 

* * *

 

Rewind wakes up and immediately turns off his visor again. The room he is in is way too bright, and his head hurts as if he had lost a head-butting match with wrecking ball. Where is he? What happened? Trying to remember anything only makes his head hurt more, so he just lies where he is, hoping his headache will go away soon.

He can hear people moving near him, they are speaking too, and near enough to hear them, but far enough to not understand anything. They are not voices he recognizes either. Should he be worried? He feels like he should, but he also feels relaxed, as if some part of him knew exactly what is going on and that he is safe. He wishes it was all of him who knew that.

The voices grow closer and clearer until he can begin to understand some of what they are saying. A little voice inside his head reminds him that it is not polite to eavesdrop, but considering the strange situation he is in he decides he’s going to leave politeness aside for a while.

“…it worked? I am no expert, but the…” This voice seems to be continuously moving, one second almost next to him, the next on the other side of the room. “Ha. Ha… rude, I’m just saying that… yes, I trust you.”

The other voice is lower, both in tone and volume, and although it doesn’t seem to be moving as much as the other its owner seems to be keeping himself far away from Rewind, making it harder to hear it. “Good… just remember…”

“But…hundred thirteen…” And now the first voice gets closer again and, luckily for Rewind, stops moving “It could have been done differently, that’s all I’m saying.”

“And all I’m saying is that you complain too much, it could bring you trouble.” He is startled by how much closer the second voice is now, almost next to the first one he thinks, but neither seem to have noticed though, and he is grateful for that. Nothing they say makes sense, but he likes mysteries, and there’s nothing better to do anyway “And what would I do without my amica endurae?” They keep talking, but something about those words catches Rewind attention, but… what is it?

Wait, endurae? Oh, like conjux… Wait, Dominus! Why has he only remembered Dominus now? Whatever has happened to him must have been bad for his mind to be so scattered, how could he forget Dominus? Mysteries are good, but he wants his conjux, so he turns on his visor slowly and moves a little, pretending to be waking up. Both voices suddenly stop, and among the awful brightness of the room he can see a bot at the end of the bed where he is lying.

The first thing that Rewind notices about the bot is that it doesn’t look like a medic; he has a racer-like frame, yellow eyes, and his paintjob has too much green and blue, and too little red mixed with the white. The second thing Rewind notices is how surprised the bot look, with his eyes wide open and fixed on Rewind, and his mouth half-opened as if interrupted in the middle of a word.

The other bot is standing a couple of steps behind the first, and unlike the first he does look like a medic. He is bulkier, almost all red except for some small white details. He doesn’t look as surprised as the first bot, but his dark blue eyes are also fixed a bit too hard on Rewind’s, and he has to avert his gaze.

Both bots share a look, and even among the strange calmness he feels Rewind can’t help but worry seeing the first bot expression go from surprised to scared. The silence weights heavy on the room and Rewind is tempted to break it when the first bot begins to move towards him while the other walks to a table next to the door.

“Oh, hello” He’s smiling now, calm and sweet. It almost makes Rewind forget how scared he looked barely a second ago “Forgive my manners, but you gave me quite the scare! My name is Sprint, and that red bot is Cardiac. We weren’t expecting you to wake up just yet, but tell me, how are you feeling?”

Rewind looks back to the red bot, who has turned around and now seems to be checking a datapad. His attention is brought back to Sprint, who’s now next to him, and suddenly he remembers that he’s been asked a question “I uh… Good? My head hurts, but huh… it’s fine?”

“We don’t have any adequate painkillers here, I’ll go get him some” Cardiac says, already almost closing the door on his way out of the room, like he had already been playing on leaving and Rewind’s headache has given him the perfect excuse. For a second Sprint seems as taken aback by Cardiac’s sudden exit as Rewind thinks he should be feeling, but he recovers quickly and begins to smile again.

“Like I said, we weren’t expecting you to wake up so soon, and your headache was supposed to have gone before you woke up. Our bad. Is there anything else bothering you?”

“Not really, no. But I do have some questions.”

“That’s alright. I have some questions for you too, but you can go first if you want. Just let me get that datapad over there.”

“Where am I?” Rewind asks before Sprint has even moved, but he doesn’t seem bothered by the question at all, and starts to answer as he moves towards the table and then next to Rewind.

“Iacon Medical Centre. You came in this morning for a small cosmetic procedure that turned complicated.” Sprint is now checking a couple of monitors next to the head of the bed, and it is only then that Rewind notices just how many machines he is attached to. “Luckily for you, we managed to solve it, and you should be perfectly fine once the headache goes away. Oh, by the way, you shouldn’t try to turn on your camera for at least a week.”

 That’s right, Rewind thinks, he came to replace his old helm-camera. And it was Dominus who gave him the new one, and it was also him who scheduled the appointment. Was Dominus with him this morning? And where is he now? He wants to ask, but Sprint starts talking again before he can even open his mouth.

“I would love to have a talk with your old doctor, or with whoever was in charge of the maintenance of your camera. Did you know your medical records weren’t up to date? Some important information about the wiring of your old camera was missing. You could have died, you know?” He stops to look at Rewind as if waiting for his reaction, but goes on talking before he can add anything. “It doesn’t help that we also found out you were allergic to UV light in the worst way possible, the worst I tell you!”

Again he moves towards the head of the bed to check a monitor, and then he moves to another before writing something down in the datapad. Rewind feels more awake now, but his mind is as scattered as it was when he first woke up. He wants to ask about Dominus, he can’t understand why he hasn’t yet, but every time he tries to say something his mind jumps to a different thing.

“Is that what went wrong? Am I… am I going to be ok?”

“You are going to be just fine.” Cardiac answers instead. Rewind hadn’t even noticed him getting close, much less entering the room again. “Don’t let this fool scare you.”

“I am not scaring him! I was just telling him what had happened.”

 Cardiac just makes some non-committal noise as he takes the datapad from Sprint hands, pushing him away from the monitors and closer to Rewind as he does it. “Go on then, don’t let me interrupt you, I will just do all the important medical stuff while you fill him in.”

“Give him the painkiller and shut up.” Rewind almost feels bad for interrupting their banter. Almost.

“So…?”

“Oh, yeah! You know how I said there were some complications related to the wiring of your old camera? Well, bad news is that all files created by that camera that you were storing were damaged, and had to be deleted. This will affect some of the memories attached to their creation, so you may find yourself misremembering things, especially when it comes to recent memories. Good news is that we managed to avoid any kind of damage to your cortex! And that the new camera will be fully functional soon.” Maybe that’s why Rewind is having so much trouble keeping… keeping Dominus! in his mind, after all he used his camera the most when they were together. “Also, I’m sorry to say we weren’t able to contact anyone to help you while your memory settles.”

What? But… what about… Primus… that painkiller must be a strong one. “What about my conjux?” Dominus! What about Dominus? Where is Dominus?

Sprint is still smiling, but the way he’s looking at Rewind has changed and, although barely noticeable, he is frowning a little.

“I’m… sorry, your what?” It is hard to be sure, since Cardiac is now standing behind him, but Rewind is pretty sure he has stopped moving completely.

“My conjux endurae. Dominus. Dominus Ambus.”

Sprint’s frown is deeper now, not a frown of anger, but of confusion. He steals a quick glance at Cardiac, then a longer one, and then he takes the datapad from Cardiac’s hands and begins to read it thoughtfully. While he is reading Cardiac puts his hands on Sprint’s shoulders and pushes him away from Rewind, without even bothering to look at him.

Truth to be told Rewind head’s is not in the best place right now, he is aware of it, but still he can tell that something is wrong. Why would his doctors move to the other side of the room if not to discuss something going wrong?  They keep stealing glances at him too, as if he couldn’t see them. It’s making him beyond nervous.

And suddenly they start arguing. They are still whispering, but they are gesticulating like crazy. Cardiac points to Sprint; Sprint points to Cardiac, then to Rewind; Cardiac takes the datapad back, then shakes it, then points to the door; Sprint crosses his arms, shakes his head, then points to Rewind; Cardiac puts his hands up, rolls his eyes, and moves towards the door, but Sprint is faster. He stays between the door and Cardiac, obviously refusing to let him out, and then he puts his arm on Cardiac’s, tenderly. They both calm down, and after what must have been a minute, but has surely felt like a century, they walk back towards Rewind’s bed.

“We are sorry about… that…” Sprint is the one talking while Cardiac stands him, still clearly angry about whatever it was they were arguing about “Remember how we said you may experience some memory problems? You seem to be experiencing one right now. Cardiac wanted to call a mnemosurgeon, but I’ve convinced him otherwise. It’s only a little slip, isn’t it? You memory will settle on its own, no need to call the needle-hands.” He sounds more like he is trying to reassure himself rather than Rewind.

Rewind’s is starting to lose consciousness. The painkiller, slow acting but strong, is running freely through his system, blackening the corners of his vision. Still, his mind feels clearer than ever, sharper in his confusion and shock. “What… what are you talking about?”

“The ‘Relatives’ part of your file was blank. Rewind, you do not have a conjux. You never had one.”

He wants to argue, Dominus name and image is now clear as day in his mind, but he can’t. He falls asleep and dreams of nothing.

 

* * *

 

 

Rewind is fine with not knowing things. He likes recording history, and he is always excited to learn something new, but he understands that it is impossible to know everything. He accepted that fact a long time ago. Rewind is more than alright with not knowing some things, he really is.

But not knowing what has happened to Dominus is killing him.

One day they had been planning on how to tell their friends they had become conjux, the next he had woken up in the hospital, Dominus nowhere in sight. And no one believes him when he tries to speak about it.

At the hospital no one knew Dominus, they hadn’t even seen him, and he wasn’t listed in Rewind’s personal record either. After the hospital everyone swore that hadn’t seen Dominus in weeks. Weeks. Where had Rewind been during those weeks? ‘Around’. People swear they have seen him, only him, before he went to the hospital. Everyone swears it, but he can’t believe it. He doesn’t want to.

At first he just waits for Dominus to come back. He waits for a whole day in their room. And a day becomes several days. And several days turn into weeks. And the weeks fuse together into months. And finally, uncaring of people’s feelings as only time could be, the months grow into a year.

The worst thing, he thinks, is not knowing if Dominus is just gone or… _gone._ It’s not a thought he likes to dwell on, but he can’t help it. At night, as he lies in their bed trying and failing to fall asleep he wonders what would be worse: to discover Dominus had been ripped away from him against his will or to find out he had left on his own account? At times he thinks he would rather be a widower than have a runaway husband, but the thought never lasts for long.

He wishes he had someone to talk to about Dominus, but no one wants to hear him talk about him anymore. Dominus’ old friends discovered themselves as the hypocrites Rewind always suspected they were, and stopped talking to him the second they realized Dominus wasn’t coming back. Rewind’s old friends listened to him for a while, pretended to believe him when he told them he and Dominus had completed the Conjux Rituals, but they grew tired after a few months; after that, no one else would believe Rewind either, some thought he was just extremely distraught over the loss of a long-time friend, other liked to paint him as obsessed.

So he is going to look for Dominus, and he is going to find him, because he knows Dominus will clear things up. He believes he will. He has to.

 

* * *

 

Rewind won’t say that he’s desperate. He is, for sure, but he won’t say it. Another year has gone by, still no news of Dominus, and maybe it’s time to accept he is gone and move on, but he can’t do that. Not yet.

He’s running out of leads and out of ideas, so he’s revisiting some old options. And he is doing so quite literally. The door in front of him looks just as pristine as it did when he first stood in front of it months ago, and he feels just as nervous as he did back then. Before he can even knock the door opens on its own.

“I said this before and I will say it again: I can’t help you.”

“You can’t or you don’t want to?”

Rewind won’t even try to hide his animosity. He has been investigating Prowl and he knows the ex-cop knows more than he lets on, he isn’t very high in the Autobot’s hierarchy, but Rewind knows he has the necessary intelligence and ruthlessness to go far. Rewind also knows that he knows something about Dominus, whatever it is.

Prowl doesn’t even bother answering him, he just sighs and moves into the corridor and away from Rewind. He follows him.

“Oh come on, I know you know something about Dominus!”

“And like I’ve said, you are wrong.” He is not looking at Rewind, he has never looked directly at him in all the times they have met, and it makes Rewind furious.

“I am not. Dominus kept mostly to himself the weeks prior to going missing, but I found out he came to visit your office at least twice!” Prowl actually stops walking and turns towards Rewind. It is so abrupt that Rewind almost crashes into him, but he quickly focuses again “He didn’t talk with anyone else, but he talked to you and I… I just… I just want to know what happened to my conjux.” He hasn’t said that word in so long it feels almost foreign in his mouth.

Prowl doesn’t talk, he just stands there, and Rewind is surprised to see that he is actually looking at him, not just in is general direction but directly at him,  and that even if his face is impassive his eyes seem to be full of an emotion Rewind can’t place. Neither says anything, they just look at each other until for what feels like an eternity, and then finally it is Prowl who adverts his eyes, as if ashamed.

“I’m sorry Rewind, I really am, but there is nothing I can tell you.” He says it more to the air than to Rewind, and then he leaves again without another word. Rewind hates him like he has never hated anyone, and he also hates himself for believing him.

 

* * *

 

 

Another year goes by and Rewind hasn’t found anything.

He gives up.

He tries to move on, go out and socialize, meet new bots, write a new story for himself.

He can’t.

Four years have come and go since he last remembers seeing Dominus, and as a present for their fourth anniversary he begins looking for him again.

It is the least he can do.


End file.
